you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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