Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we're making bets on your personal life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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