weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Just because you havenât had your UTI yet doesnât mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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