Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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