the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
