His pubic hair was longer than his dick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
