He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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