he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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