It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
