I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
