If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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