You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
