he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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