White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
