Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
