I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
