Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
