after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
