Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
