How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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