You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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