Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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