But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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