Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
