I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
