You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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