DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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