I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't deserve a penis
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
