Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No subtext here. People are naked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
