You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
