i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
