bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Porn is love you can see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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