he wants to bone in the snuggie
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
