So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
