From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
