just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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