Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
