smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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