why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
