Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
