just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
