***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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