I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
