She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
