this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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