Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
