You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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