I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
