Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
