I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
