mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
