there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
