I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
