Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
