There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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