Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
